all i want is the taste your lips allow
by bisexual-killian-jones
Summary: Emma and Killian are in a pickle. They have crushes on the Cassidy cousins, but they are none-the-wiser. Enter Killian's idea of pretending to date to make Milah and Neal jealous. This couldn't possibly go wrong. Fake dating!cs. T for cussing and smoochies


It all started with a wedding.

The flowers and the alcohol buzzing through her veins and the love in the air probably confused Emma into thinking it was a good idea. Thinking that _fake dating_ her _best friend_ to make _her crush jealous_ was a genius idea and hmmm how had she not thought about it before? But with his smile bright against the contrast of his dark stubble and his hair wild from running his hands through it, Emma thought _why the hell not_.

And well, even though it was a terrible, no good idea, it led to the most important moment in Emma's life.

And she would never regret it.

* * *

Emma nursed the glass of gin and tonic in her hands, sipping it slowly as she stared at the dance floor, witnessing _him_ dance around the floor with yet another beautiful woman in his arms. She hated that she felt so jealous because really, she had no reason for it. She had never told him about how she had this _raging_ crush on him since she met him three years ago and that every time she saw him with another woman, it felt like a knife to her gut.

The song changed and there he went, sweeping another woman into his arms with a wide smile on his face and Emma threw back the remainder of her drink, needing more alcohol to get through the night. She didn't want to be too drunk when she went up for her toast as maid of honor, but dammit she needed to get drunk to be able to deal with seeing him flirt with every damn woman in the reception hall.

"Gathering liquid courage, Swan?" Killian asked as he sidled up beside her, nursing his own glass of rum.

 _I wish_. "Nope. Just enjoying the free drinks," Emma replied, eyeing him from the corner of her eye. "You?"

"I just yearned for your company and, as you said, I cannot deny a free drink," Killian responded and he looked out to the dance floor. "I can see that Neal's having the time of his life."

 _I hadn't noticed_.

"Is he?" Emma asked, her voice too high in her own ears and Killian was 100% going to notice that-

"Oh really? Then the yearning in your own eyes must've been a trick of the light," Killian murmured as he sipped on his glass and Emma groaned, wanting to crawl into a hole and never come out again. Killian began laughing as he pulled the empty glass from his lips. "There we go, Swan. No need to hide it anymore."

"Does everyone know?" Emma asked under her breath to her best friend of three years.

"Not from what I've noticed. And Neal? No bloody idea," Killian replied, sliding his glass onto the table beside the bar they were standing at.

"Well this is embarrassing," Emma muttered under her breath, glancing over at Killian who has taken to staring at someone on the dance floor.

Emma looked out to the dance floor and saw Milah, dancing with Neal, and watched them laugh over some stupid joke. Even though they were cousins, the two were pretty close, nearly like siblings. Milah threw back her head in laughter, her brunette curls bouncing with the motion, and Emma could see the slight upturn of Killian's lips.

 _Ah_.

"Looks like you've got doe-y eyes for the other Cassidy, don't you?" Emma asked, raising her eyebrows as Killian scratched behind his ear.

(In that oddly endearing way whenever he was embarrassed about something, which was a strange sight to see from the flirtatious and woman-killing one of the group.)

"I suppose I do."

Emma raised her eyebrows even higher as she crossed her arms over her chest, the satin of her lilac gown wrinkling with the motion. "No 'what are you talking about' and 'I would never?'"

Killian shrugged and looked over at Emma, tucking his hands into his pockets. "What's the use in denying it when you clearly saw it?"

"How long?"

Killian shrugged again. "The day she stepped through that bar door and smiled."

Ah yes, the same day Emma met Neal.

That fateful autumn day when Mary Margaret mentioned that she was bringing a new friend to their weekly bar night and in walked Neal with his cousin, their hair windswept and bundled up in their coats. Emma's heart stuttered at his goofy smile, locking it away in her memory because that was the moment Emma was lost.

"We're fucked, aren't we?" Emma murmured, looking back out to see Neal laughing and smiling with Milah.

"Most definitely," Killian replied and then nodded at Liam, who was sitting behind his special table beside Elsa, his new wife. "Looks like it's time for toasts."

"You going first?" Emma asked because she really did _not_ want to make this toast first because she didn't even like public speaking, _especially_ when she had to pour her heart out for her best friend marrying her other best friend's older brother and it wasn't like Emma wanted that life or anything-

"I'll go first, but you'll need quite the speech to follow mine, Swan," Killian replied with a sly smirk, sending a wink to her as he pushed off the bar and walked across the dance floor and to the wedding table.

Arrogant ass.

But the very same arrogant ass she met her first day of sophomore year, fresh off an exhausting summer working at the harbor by her house in Storybrooke, Maine, when she fell asleep in her eight am English class and he bumped her awake when he spilt coffee all over his lap. And she had run down the hall to the bathroom to grab paper towels before it spread to her laptop and when she returned, he had placed her laptop onto her seat as he used his own sweatshirt to soak up the liquid, making sure her laptop wasn't ruined because of his silliness.

After that day, Emma and Killian never parted, becoming fast and close friends. They spent many nights studying for tests and writing papers, even when their majors caused them to take different classes. And Killian, as a marine engineering student, had no problem staying up late to keep Emma's company as she wrote a multitude of papers for her criminal justice classes.

And he was there when Emma had a crisis of faith after nearly failing a required class. And he was there when she tried to keep her mind off of the hold Neal had over her, bouncing between August and Walsh and Graham and any guy that would give her a second look. And he was there during her loneliest nights, when her memories of the foster system would haunt her and grip her heart tightly as she remembered the pain she went through those years, until Ingrid found her when she was sixteen and on the run and adopted her.

And Emma was there for Killian through his countless conquests and all of his family troubles. She was there when he had a sudden meltdown over Liam getting engaged, wishing that Killian had a woman who loved him and wishing that he had the life that Liam had. And she was there when Killian was kicked out of his apartment when his roommate's girlfriend moved in and made him leave without twenty-four hours' notice.

Killian Jones was her best friend.

Which made it easy to agree to his plan.

"Your speech was beautiful, honey," Ingrid said as she pulled away from her hug, her hands resting on Emma's shoulders as she looked her adopted daughter in the eye.

"Thanks, Mom," Emma replied as Ingrid dropped her hands to tangle with Emma's.

"One of these days, it'll happen for you. I just know it," Ingrid commented with a wide and watery smile, as Elsa was practically a second daughter to her.

Emma sighed because that was all Ingrid had been saying since Elsa first got engaged to Liam, nine months ago during the beginning of their senior year of college. It wasn't surprising, as their relationship moved quickly and they had been together for three years previously. But Ingrid still made those little comments to Emma about when she had a boyfriend and when she got married and when she had _children_ and it was just driving Emma insane-

"May I cut in?" Emma heard Neal ask as he appeared at Emma's side, offering a hand out to Emma. "I would like to dance with your lovely daughter."

Emma's heart nearly pounded out of her chest, but Ingrid ushered her away quickly, sending the least subtle wink Emma's ever seen as Neal tugged Emma away to the dance floor. He took her hand in his, his rough skin against her soft hands, and twirled her into his arms at the corner of the dance floor, surrounded by elderly couples and children running around. In the middle of the dance floor, Liam and Elsa twirled together, staring lovingly into each other's eyes as Elsa's A-line gown flowed behind her. Elsa was a beautiful bride, with her signature braid pinned into a low bun with a gorgeous light blue pin, and Liam's eyes never wavered from her own.

It was a little nauseating, but Emma could see that the two of them really loved each other.

"Isn't it crazy that our friends are already getting married?" Neal asked, a smirk playing at his lips as his hand curved around Emma's waist.

Emma tried to keep her breathing even, not wanting to give away how his proximity affected her. "And isn't it crazy how my mother is practically lactating from the want of grandchildren already? Jesus, I don't even have a boyfriend and she's already planning the names for my children."

Neal laughed, a warm sound that reverberated down Emma's spine. "That's just how parents are, Ems. Or, at least I figure."

Emma swayed awkwardly in his arms, remembering that Neal didn't exactly have the same relationship with his parents that Emma had with Ingrid. Or really, just his father, whom Neal had been estranged from since he was eighteen and went off to college. His mother had died when he was young and his father was a workaholic that never paid attention to Neal, not until Neal decided to go to New York for college and had to move across the country. When his father chose not to join Neal, choosing his company again over his son, Neal cut of all ties and hadn't spoken with him since.

It tended to lead to awkward tension, so Neal didn't talk about it much.

"You look good tonight, Emma," Neal spoke and Emma's heart softened at his words, nearly melting in his arms. "Like, really good."

Emma hoped her face wasn't turning red at his compliment. "Thanks. You don't look half-bad yourself."

Neal smiled toothlessly at Emma again and she could feel his thumb rubbing against her back, against the soft material of her dress. Her heart pounded as she looked into his brown eyes and she swore she saw something lingering in the depths, as if he had felt something for her too.

But the moment ended as another hand landed on Emma's arm and Killian appeared at her side with his signature smile and piercing blue eyes as he met eyes with Emma.

"Sorry to budge in, but may I have this dance, Emma Swan?" Killian asked, that smile still plastered on his face.

"Of course," Neal answered for Emma, handing her off to Killian as he smiled one last time at her. "See you later, Ems."

Neal walked away, sweeping another woman into his arms and spinning her around the dance floor. Emma sighed as she met Killian's eyes, which twinkled with mischief. She pursed her lips as her hand rested on Killian's shoulder.

"You clearly did that on purpose," Emma stated and a smile broke across Killian's face. "Don't you have your brother to bother?"

"Oh please. He wouldn't even notice me if I was being stabbed by a wild serial killer. His eyes haven't left Elsa all day," Killian replied and Emma shrugged, knowing it was the truth. "Besides, I did get a splendid idea about our little predicaments."

Emma snorted, looking around the room at the dancing couples. "Oh, enlighten me then."

"I was thinking about doing a little act for Neal and Milah. And well, for the rest of the group," Killian spoke and Emma met eyes with him again, tilting her head to the side in curiosity.

"What are you talking about, Jones?" Emma asked, her eyebrows furrowing as she swayed with Killian.

Killian smiled, looking over Emma's shoulder at whomever. "Well, Swan, I'm talking about us two pretend dating to make Neal and Milah jealous. To give them that little push."

Emma snorted again, thinking that this must be a joke, but when Killian looked back at her, she could see he was serious about this plan. "Wait, you're serious?"

"When am I not serious?"

"Ummm when you wrapped my entire car in _duct tape_ -"

"Emma, that was two years ago-"

"The fact remains, Killian-"

"Yes, I'm serious, Emma," Killian spoke, the smile gone from his face and Emma became increasingly aware of his hand on her lower back, much lower than where Neal's was. "Maybe if the two of them see that we're happy together and are no longer available for them, it'll make them realize that they truly felt something for us and they'll realize the errors of their ways."

"Haven't you seen any movies? Do you know how fake dating ends?"

And with that, Killian smirked, a dangerous upturn of his lips. "What? Afraid you're going to fall head-over-heels in love with me, Emma Swan?"

Emma scoffed. "You wish."

"That isn't a 'no-o-o-o-o,'" Killian teased and Emma smacked his shoulder, laughing at his silliness.

But Emma found no qualms with this plan. The entire point was to make Neal jealous for Emma and Milah jealous for Killian. And shit, it should work. It _would_ work. Emma was determined to make Neal change the way he saw her and the only way Emma was sure it would work was through this plan. She would pretend date Killian for however long it took for Neal to realize that he wanted to be with her and then it would be over.

No harm done.

"Alright, when do we start?"

* * *

Killian walked by Emma's side as they entered the bar, the very same one they always hung out in with their group of friends. Emma took a deep breath and Killian's thumb rubbed against the back of her hand as their hands were joined, their fake relationship already beginning. And this was the day they were going to tell their friends they were together, only a week after the wedding and only a week before classes would resume. They had practiced what they would say and what possible reactions they may receive from their friends, particularly David, as he had always been protective over Emma. But Emma still felt nervous over the announcement, even though the relationship wasn't _real_ and it was only an _act_ -

Emma spotted her friends crowded at their usual table in the far corner of the bar, near the steps that led up to the pool tables. Emma tugged Killian along and not a second later, Emma saw the first reactions of her friends. And well, it wasn't necessarily what she expected.

Mary Margaret turned to Ruby and handed her a single bill, as David also did with Robin.

 _What_?

Emma furrowed her eyebrows as she looked over at Killian and he looked just as confused as she did. They reached the table as David grumbled and Ruby laughed as she looked at the new twenty-dollar bill in her hands. Robin looked at Emma and Killian expectantly, with his arms crossed on the table and a wide smile on his face.

"What an unexpected turn of events," Robin smugly stated and he held out a hand to Ruby, who loudly smacked it with a chipper laugh.

"You guys took _bets_ on this?" Emma asked as she dropped her purse onto the table, completely in shock.

"Well, Mary Margaret and David firmly believed that it wouldn't happen and that Neal and Milah would finally open their eyes, but Robin and I thought that you two would eventually move on with each other," Ruby explained, stashing her twenty dollars into her back pocket of her jeans that were practically painted onto her.

"Does everyone fucking know about Neal and Milah?" Emma groaned out, sitting on the barstool in front of her.

"It appears so, love," Killian replied back as he folded his hands together on the table.

"Just…when did it happen?" Mary Margaret asked, her hands clasped tightly on the table. "At the wedding, I saw you with Neal and I thought something was going to happen."

"Actually, this happened at the wedding," Emma began, looking over at Killian and smirking because _damn_ their friends were really falling for this. "We danced and then we talked and we just decided to stop waiting for Neal and Milah and just let this happen. So it happened."

"We just wanted to get used to it before we told all of you," Killian added on, his hand reaching and clasping Emma's on the table and he continued to smile at her and it felt as if this was real. "Emma was a little nervous to tell you all, but after we discussed it a bit more, we decided we couldn't hide it from you all forever and that we should tell you before we all get swept up in classes."

"I have to say that I'm really happy for you two," Mary Margaret spoke with a wide smile and _shit_ Emma didn't think about how her friends would take it when this would end and they found out it wasn't real. "You two deserve to be happy. And it's our senior year, so it's time to figure out what's going on before we all leave."

And suddenly, Mary Margaret stood from her barstool and circled the table, taking Emma into her arms and pressing a kiss against Emma's head as she hugged Emma. Emma wasn't caught off guard by the action, as Mary Margaret had always been the affectionate and emotional one of the group.

"Hey guys, what's going on?" Emma heard Neal ask and Emma twisted her head when Mary Margaret released her. Neal stood by their table, his hands in his jacket pockets, and Milah was standing at his side, confusion etched on her face.

"Emma and Killian decided to finally get together," Ruby announced loudly and Emma couldn't resist looking at Neal's face.

And seeing that he was utterly indifferent.

"Oh. Alright, then. Who's buying the beer?" Neal simply asked and Emma's heart fell because _why wasn't this working_?

(Maybe it wasn't working because he legitimately didn't like her and didn't want her and didn't see her deserving of his love-)

The rubbing of Killian's thumb against Emma's hand brought her back to the present as he said, "Emma and I will grab them and just put them on my tab."

"Alright, my man, Killian!" Neal exclaimed as he took his usual seat next to where Killian sat.

Killian tugged Emma up from her place at the table and walked with her to the bar, their hands intertwined as Emma's frustration grew. This was supposed to work. This was supposed to make Neal jealous and he's just so _indifferent_ about it and how the hell was she supposed to make him jealous when he _didn't care_ -

"You alright there, Swan?" Killian asked as they stepped up to the bar, waiting for the bartender to notice them.

"He doesn't care," Emma replied simply, taking her hand from Killian's and clasping hers together on the wooden bar. "He's supposed to care for this to work and he just _doesn't_."

"It may take time for him to realize that he cares, Emma," Killian explained as the bartender finally noticed them from the opposite end of the bar. "But he will. I'm sure of it. If he doesn't, then he's a bloody idiot."

Emma snorted as the bartender finally reached them and took the order of a pitcher of Bud Light (and Emma gagged under her breath). The bartender rushed away to tend to more customers and Emma looked over at Killian, noticing from the corner of her eye that Milah was staring daggers at her. "Well, I think it's working on Milah."

"Hmm?" Killian hummed, as if he hadn't been listening.

"Milah. She's giving me the stink eye," Emma repeated and Killian slyly looked over his shoulder, noticing exactly what Emma was saying. "It's clearly working on her."

"We won't give up until we get Neal, Emma," Killian replied as he looked back to Emma. "We'll get him."

* * *

Two weeks later and Emma was already neck-deep in assignments for her senior year of college. And they were for classes that weren't even essential to her major, as she had already finished all of her required classes for criminal justice. She was now focusing on her gen eds, and they were now kicking her ass.

Freaking freshman level courses and Emma was already struggling to handle the coursework.

Emma groaned and dropped her head against her genetics text book ("Genetics for Dummies" her ass), wishing that she had chosen that she _knew_ would be an easy A and not something that she was simply intrigued in. Ruby had told her that the class was no joke, even when she took it her freshman year before she decided definitely on biology as a major, and Emma just didn't fucking listen.

And now she was screwed.

Emma groaned again and that's when she heard the front door of her apartment slam. She didn't bother looking over her shoulder, knowing exactly who it was that was coming in. Killian had had a key to her apartment ever since he had to stay with her for a year after he was kicked out of his place by a shitty roommate and his even shittier girlfriend. And even though he had moved out over a year ago, Emma allowed him to keep the key, as he was always over at her apartment anyways.

"Come to keep your frustrated girlfriend company?" Mulan, Emma's new roommate, questioned from her spot on the opposite couch, legs crossed on the cracked leather with her hair draped over her face as she read "Art of War" by Sun Tzu.

"Of course. And I come bearing her favorite meal," Killian replied cheerfully as he rounded her couch and plopped beside her on the creaky old sofa, the fabric cracked and the cushions threadbare.

"What is it? Arsenic?" Emma mumbled with her face still in her book as it rested on the coffee table that rested between the two couches. She had found it at a yard sale the summer before her sophomore year for $20 and she had forced Killian into helping her bring it to her then-new apartment.

"The way you joke about killing yourself is worrying, love. And _no_ , it's not arsenic," Killian spoke and Emma heard the crackling of a bag being placed on the coffee table, the scent of the food inside wafting into Emma's nostrils and her stomach growled loudly. Mulan chuckled under her breath at the noise, which was a new sound to Emma's ears.

Emma sniffed again at the scent and she sat up immediately, her cheek embarrassingly sticking to the page of her book and peeling away when Emma batted at it. She scooted closer to Killian and peeked into the bag, seeing her favorite grilled cheese sandwich and onion rings from the diner down the road. Her mouth immediately began watering as she tugged the sandwich and onion rings out of the bag, as if she hadn't seen food in days.

"Ohmygod, thankyousomuch, yesyesyes," Emma hurriedly spoke as she began eagerly eating her onion rings, moaning with every bite.

"I aim to please," Killian said as he smiled, leaning forward to plant a kiss to Emma's forehead.

"God, you guys are nauseating," Mulan mumbled, standing from the couch and padding to her room down the hall.

(And Emma tried to ignore the sudden fluttering in her stomach at the small kiss, reminding herself that it was all fake and that it was all just to make Milah and Neal jealous.)

(This didn't mean anything to Killian. Or to her.)

(It wouldn't.)

(It couldn't.)

* * *

Emma cracked her neck loudly as she walked with Mary Margaret out of their American history class, sighing as the pressure relieved from the kink in her neck that had been there since that morning after falling asleep on Killian's couch. They had yet to make that step into sharing a bed, even platonically, even though she had spent many nights at his place. To her friends, it was a normal boyfriend-girlfriend occurrence, and so they had to keep up appearances.

But she had stayed the night because Killian was sick with the flu that had been going around, even though it was early October.

They had been fake dating for nearly two months and her friends were none the wiser. But Neal was still as indifferent as other, at least in Emma's eyes.

"Wanna get lunch at the dining hall?" Mary Margaret asked as they stepped outside, into the chilly autumn air.

Emma shook her head, fishing out her phone from her back pocket. "Can't. Killian's still really sick, so I told him I'd be over with some of Granny's chicken noodle soup and that I'd make tea for him."

"You love him, don't you?"

Emma's heart froze because _it was all fake_ and _why the hell would she think that_ -"Um, why do you say that?"

Mary Margaret smiled softly at Emma, as if it was all too obvious. "We can't get through a conversation without you mentioning him and it's the fifth time _this week_ that you've passed on lunch with me for him."

Emma opened her mouth to retort, thinking that surely it wasn't _that bad_. But she couldn't respond. Emma thought about it and everything Mary Margaret said was true. She hadn't eaten a meal with her friends in at least a week because she had been busy eating with Killian or tending to him while he was sick. And all Emma could talk about were things that Killian had said or had done.

 _Jesus_ , she even told Mary Margaret about how Killian smelled like Old Spice just after he showered.

(But this wasn't real. It was all fake. It was all a ruse and it would surely end soon.)

"Go," Mary Margaret said, pulling Emma from her thoughts. "Tell him I said hi."

Emma nodded wordlessly and hurried off to go to Granny's Diner to pick up Killian's soup, urging herself to not think about Mary Margaret's words and how she may possibly be right. But no. That wasn't the plan and it had never been the plan. It was all to make Milah and Neal jealous and Emma was not going to go and fuck it up because she couldn't control her feelings. She had controlled her feelings all her life (or had at least tried to) and she would not let herself fuck up one of her closest friendships.

(Because it would 100% go wrong and she would only be able to blame herself when Killian would ultimately leave her because no one wanted to _keep_ the lost girl who grew up without a home until she was sixteen and already irrevocably damaged by the world-)

(She would take that chance with Neal, the guy she had been pining after for three years and who knew almost nothing about her life. She wouldn't- _couldn't_ -take that chance with Killian, the man who knew every single one of her darkest secrets and fears.)

(She wouldn't give him that power.)

Emma arrived at Killian's apartment, allowing herself in with the spare key he had given her when he first moved in last year. She heard the television going, knowing that Killian must be awake and was probably watching TV from his place in his bed. It was clear that Robin was gone, as his signature Timberland boots were nowhere to be found.

"Killian?" Emma called out, dropping her backpack on the kitchen table as she walked immediately into the kitchen from the front hallway.

"In bed," Killian groaned back and he sounded just as sick as he had when she was here last night.

Emma carried the bag from Granny's out of the archway that connected the kitchen to the hallway and walked straight back, turning into the first room on the right and seeing Killian curled up in his comforter as he watched the God-awful reruns of Real Housewives of Orange County. Emma scoffed as she recognized the show, two blonde women yelling at each other about something, and she walked around to the other side of Killian's bed so she could sit beside him.

"I can't believe you watch this crap," Emma murmured, toeing off her black boots before she sat on Killian's bed with her legs crossed.

"You try finding something in the middle of the day during the week," Killian mumbled, his voice thick with sickness.

"Feeling any better?" Emma asked as she took her things out of the take-out bag, placing her own meal in front of her and handing Killian the plastic bowl of chicken noodle soup.

"Well, I don't feel quite as close to death as before, so I suppose that means I'm getting better," Killian grumbled out, plucking off the plastic cover from the bowl.

"I'll make you some tea after I eat," Emma told him, snacking on one of her onion rings.

"I don't know how I can ever repay you, Swan," Killian stated as he looked over at her, their eyes meeting. "Thank you."

Emma shrugged nonchalantly and looked down at her plate of food. "It's nothing. You've done the same for me."

"But it still means a lot to me, Emma," Killian responded and her heart pounded and _shit_ she was so stupid. "I mean it."

Suddenly, Emma's phone began ringing, which allowed Emma to escape Killian's intense gaze. She hurried out to the hallway, walking down the hall toward the kitchen as she swiped her screen to answer her phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Ems," Neal spoke and Emma's heart lurched. "Wanna get some lunch or something?"

"Um actually, I can't," Emma replied quickly, tucking her hand into her front pocket. "Killian is still really sick, so I'm at his place right now to take care of him."

There was a heavy sigh over the phone, which Emma thought was curious. "Ems, you've been with him every day this week."

"He's my boyfriend and he's sick. What am I supposed to do, Neal?" Emma asked, the lie not even feeling like a lie anymore and _why did she agree to this?_

"I don't know, Emma. Maybe have your own life outside of him? It's like you're just forgetting about all of us-"

"I still go to our weekly hangouts at the bar, Neal. I still text and talk to all of you. Just because I'm not available when you want to hang out doesn't mean I don't have a fucking life," Emma spat at Neal over the phone, anger coursing through her veins.

"You're right, you're right. I'm sorry. I just miss you, Ems."

And her heart pounded because _he missed her_. The plan must've been working because he _wanted_ to see her. He _missed_ her.

"I'll see you guys Saturday night at the bar. I promise," Emma stated firmly. "Even if Killian is still sick, I'll make it out for at least one beer."

There was another sigh over the line. "Alright. I'll see you then."

Emma hung up the phone and flattened her back against the wall behind her, holding her phone against her chest as her heart pounded against her rib cage. She was more confused than ever, still wanting to be with Neal but her heart slowly making room for Killian. She didn't know what to do. It was stupid- _so stupid_ -and her life was turning into one of those stupid-ass love triangles that she hated to even think about.

But it was happening and Emma honestly had no idea what to think.

* * *

" _So, I saw the most interesting post on Facebook this morning."_

"Okay…what was it, Mom?"

 _"Your friend, Ruby, posted a picture of you and your friend, Killian. And she captioned it 'hashtag true love bitches.'"_

Emma snorted because her mother cursing was the funniest thing ever, but then her heart froze because _shi-i-i-it_ she hadn't told her mom.

Emma cleared her throat. "Well, that's curious."

 _"That's what I thought, dear. But then I remembered you two dancing at the wedding and, well, it isn't very curious to me at all, honey."_

"What do you mean?"

 _"I mean that that man couldn't keep his eyes off of you the entire night. Even when you were dancing with that other handsome fellow."_

Emma shook her head because her mother must be confused. There was no way that _Killian_ , the guy who has been with dozens of girls and has had a crush on Milah for the past three years, had been staring at _her_ that night. Emma had seen how Killian looked at Milah that night and _her mother must've been mistaken_ -

" _Now, I know you're overthinking it. But Emma, from that night and from that picture of you two together at that bar from this morning, I can tell that he loves you. Hell, I'm sure a blind man could see that."_

"But Mom-"

" _No 'buts', Emma Swan. Killian loves you. I'm sure of it."_

"No, Mom. I really don't think he does."

There was a silence over the phone and _shit_ she was going to spill the whole thing to Ingrid. Nearly three months of this disguise and the secret was bursting at her heart's seams.

"Mom, I think I'm really screwed."

" _Why is that, honey_?"

Emma bit down on her lip to try to stop the quivering of her jaw. "Killian and I…we started this…mission, I suppose. We agreed to pretend to date to make Neal jealous and to make Killian's crush, Milah, jealous. And now…I'm just"-Emma paused to take a deep breath, her voice beginning to shake _because she was so fucked_ -"I'm just so confused."

 _"Because you now have feelings for Killian, while also having feelings for Neal."_

"Yes," Emma sighed out.

 _"Well, you just have to listen to your heart, Emma. And in my opinion, a man who doesn't pay you any attention until you start dating another man isn't worth your time, sweetie."_

Emma barked out a half-hearted laugh. "Oh man, why didn't you say that to me at the wedding? That would've saved me a whole lot of time and heart ache."

Ingrid laughed over the phone. _"I can't spell out everything for you, Emma. You have to figure some things out for yourself. Listen to your heart, honey. I know you have walls and don't like letting people in too close, but you gotta allow yourself to let in love. And to me, it sounds like you already have."_

* * *

Emma's stomach growled loudly as she made her way across campus, heading toward the dining hall in the center of the campus. Mary Margaret and Ruby were already waiting for her and she was running late, but she had to talk to her English professor about a paper due the next week and everything was due next week anyways and she had _so much shit to do_.

The final week of October and Emma could not _wait_ for the semester to be over.

She dodged a few people who were clearly paying more attention to the music on their phones than where they were walking, mumbling under her breath how much _she fucking hated people_. Emma hitched her messenger bag higher on her shoulder as she navigated through the sea of people who had just exited class. She could see the dining hall in the distance, dipped down the hill covered in brick, and her stomach growled again. Killian barely had any food at his place, as he was completely broke and wasn't getting paid until the coming Friday.

So thusly, Emma basically starved last night as she crashed on his sofa again, leaving her apartment to Mulan and Ruby, which had caught Emma by surprise but she had simply allowed them some time to themselves.

"Hey there, Emma," A voice came from Emma's left and she turned her head, seeing Neal walk beside her.

"Oh hey, Neal," Emma replied, noticing that her voice wasn't nearly as chipper as it typically was when Neal showed up.

"Wanna get some lunch?" Neal asked immediately and Emma shook her head, opening her mouth to respond, but Neal spoke again with a tense voice. "What? Eating with Killian again?"

"Um no," Emma said slowly, her eyebrows furrowing at his angry tone. "I've got plans with Mary Margaret and Ruby."

Neal visibly relaxed. "Oh."

Emma raised her eyebrows as she tucked her hands into her sweatshirt pockets. "Oh?"

"I mean-well, it's nice that you're having lunch with your friends," Neal spoke. "Killian isn't the only person in this world, so I like seeing that you aren't ignoring your friends anymore."

"Neal, I haven't been ignoring shit and I don't think you exactly have the right to be monitoring my habits," Emma spoke tensely, her legs picking up speed to leave him behind. "Bye, Neal."

Emma heard Neal try to respond back, but she hurried through the crowds. Now she was just pissed. Neal had no fucking right to tell her what she should be doing and that Killian wasn't the only person in the world. He'd had his chances and now Emma was dating Killian and he needed to back the fuck _off_ -

And Emma nearly stopped in her tracks when the realization hit her like a freight train. The entire _point_ of this stupid mission was to get Neal jealous and for her to start dating him. That was _the sole point_ of this fake-dating shit and now, Emma was acting like she was actually- _really_ -in a relationship with Killian and that Neal was being a jealous _shit head_ who was trying to ruin everything.

This entire thing was meant to make him jealous and now that he was, Emma was just angry and wanted her relationship with Killian to be left alone.

(Oh _fuck_.)

Emma mentally shook her head as she hurried into the dining hall, away from the brisk wind and her torturous thoughts. She found Ruby and Mary Margaret soon after Emma swiped her ID to gain access to the food, seated in the far left corner of the cafeteria. Ruby was laughing over something Mary Margaret had said, something on her phone, when Emma arrive at their table and dropped her bag into the seat reserved for her.

"'Bout damn time you got here," Ruby murmured as she stood from her chair, her leather pants shining in the God-awful fluorescent lighting of the cafeteria. "I'm starving."

"I'm sure you are. Had a long night with Mulan last night?" Emma asked, raising her eyebrows as her friends joined Emma in walking toward the buffet lines.

"A lady does not kiss and tell, Emma," Ruby replied and slyly winked over at Emma, her heels clacking against the tile flooring of the building.

(Only this woman would wear four-inch heels and leather pants in this weather and on a hilly campus.)

Five or so minutes later, the three of them were back at their table, eating their food in silence. It didn't take long for her thoughts to turn back to her conversation with Neal and her wondering how the hell everything had gotten flipped around. It was all _fake_ and Emma's heart thought it was _real_ and this was going to end more painfully than Emma thought it ever would-

"Why are you brooding into your pizza?" Ruby asked from across the table, her eyebrows furrowed.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Emma mumbled and Mary Margaret and Ruby sighed at the same time. "Oh fuck off, you two."

"Something's obviously wrong," Mary Margaret stated, her hands resting in her lap as she sat up perfectly straight. "You can talk to us, Emma."

"Has Neal been a little…weird around you guys lately?" Emma immediately asked.

"What do you mean?" Mary Margaret asked in return.

"He seems a little jealous about me being with Killian," Emma explained and Ruby and Mary Margaret shared a look. "So I'm not the only one who's noticed."

Ruby shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning on the aluminum table between them. "Whenever you aren't at some group hang out, he immediately blames Killian. He gets all passive-aggressive and moody. Remember last week when you couldn't hang out because you had to catch up on reading for Genetics?"

Emma nodded and Ruby continued, "He went on a ten minute rant about how you were 'neglecting your duties as a friend because Killian Jones was paying attention to you.' Not even paraphrasing. David and Robin got pissed though. Yelled at him because they damn well knew you were at your place and that you two were the real deal and that it wasn't some sudden thing. That it had been building for years."

"And then we yelled at him enough that he just finally left," Mary Margaret added on. "It probably didn't help that he was already a little drunk, but he definitely still meant it."

Emma's jaw clenched because it was so _stupid_. He had no fucking right to complain about her relationship with Killian, even if it was fake. He'd had plenty of time to sweep Emma off her feet and he just never did. It wasn't Emma's fault that she didn't want to wait for him to change his mind anymore and that she was _tired of waiting_ -

(Fuck, her mind was so screwed up.)

"And honestly, with every boyfriend you've had, Neal's been like that. With August and Graham and Walsh, Neal's been that way. Always making snide comments behind your back and just acting all jealous," Ruby explained, her eyes softening as she saw that Emma was growing angrier by the second. "And when you and the guy would break up, we thought that he would finally own up and just ask you out. But then it never happened and everything would go back to normal."

"Because he likes me being available for him but he doesn't want to commit to me," Emma muttered under her breath, her heart twisting at the realization.

She was never going to be good enough for him, no matter what she did when she was single. She was never going to be enough for Neal fucking Cassidy.

(She never was enough.)

But maybe she could help Killian with Milah. Maybe that's what the universe was telling her-that this was her chance to help her best friend get with the girl he had been pining after for the past three years. Even if Emma would never get Neal Cassidy, she would help Killian find his happiness with Milah.

* * *

Emma threw back the shot of Fireball, the cinnamon burning its way down her throat. Ruby let out a loud 'whoop' as Emma slammed her now-empty shot glass on the table in the bar. The music was blaring loudly on this Saturday night in early November and drunken couples had commandeered the center of the room to dance, hips swaying and sweat dripping. Killian sat beside her, sipping on his own beer while Neal stared daggers at them from across the table.

It had been a week since her conversation with Ruby and Mary Margaret and Emma just did not even fucking care anymore. She was remaining in this relationship to help out Killian, even if Milah didn't hang around them much anymore. She would help Killian find his happiness with Milah and when it was over, everything would go back to normal. Emma would cut off ties with Neal because, as Ingrid had said, a man who doesn't pay her any attention until she's in a relationship is a man that Emma doesn't need in her life.

That night was one of the few nights Milah had chosen to join them at the bar, sitting beside Neal as she circled her glass of water with her straw. Typically, Milah had more excuses to not come meet them for anything, but she had decided to show up after a few weeks of no one but Neal seeing her. Emma had noticed how she had definitely done herself up more than she previously had, her hair falling over her shoulders in heavy curls and her eyes lined with black eyeliner. But Emma didn't know if Killian had noticed, as he hadn't mentioned even _seeing_ her.

All Emma noticed was how Killian's arm draped over the back of her seat and he leaned closer to her with every passing moment.

And the terrifying thought accompanied with that was that Emma had no problem with it.

She could feel the warmth radiating off of him and she could smell the Old Spice he wore for deodorant. She was hypnotized by the red plaid of his flannel button down, the top three buttons undone to expose a dusting of chest hair that made Emma think the most indecent of thoughts. But she tried to stop herself from thinking all of this; he was her best friend and this was all an act and he surely didn't feel the same way toward her that Emma was beginning to feel for him.

(Fuck, this was going to hurt in the end.)

"Who wants more shots?" Robin asked as he killed off his second pint of beer.

"Get one for me and Emma," Ruby replied quickly, flinging her long hair over her shoulder to expose her low-cut shirt.

Robin saluted Ruby and stumbled away, nearly tripping over his own bar stool as he walked through the crowds of drunken people to the bar. Emma found herself slipping further into Killian's warmth, her eyes meeting his as he smiled at her.

"Feeling alright there, Swan?" Killian asked and Emma's eyes traced the stubble of his cheek and wondered how it would feel against her breasts-

"I'm great," Emma replied and her tongue peeked out to wet her bottom lip. She noticed how Killian's eyes had darted down to stare at the motion and the tension in the room increased tenfold.

"Do you two need to get a room?" David asked from Killian's side, leaning forward to make eye contact with Emma and Killian.

Emma giggled under her breath playfully and leaned her head into Killian's shoulder, as part of the act. In truth, Emma was never ever one for PDA. She had yet to even _kiss_ Killian, as they only had to play the part in front of her friends and she had never kissed any boyfriends in front of her friends. They only exchanged small touches, like holding hands or kisses on her forehead. But that was hardly anything different, since her and Killian had done that even before this agreement had arisen.

But now, as she was just _so close_ , all Emma could think about were those lips and how they would feel against hers and how it would feel when they trailed down her throat to her breasts-

"Here you go," Robin said as he slid a shot of Fireball to Emma and to Ruby. He held his own shot in his hand and lifted it into the air. "Salud."

Emma sat up and lifted her shot, clinking the glass against Ruby's, and threw the shot back. The liquid slid down her throat and Emma wiped away the excess from her lips as she placed the shot glass back onto the table. She didn't notice it, but Killian's eyes trailed the motion of her hand across her lips and his own tongue stuck out to wet his bottom lip, his teeth grazing his lip as his tongue returned back into his mouth.

"Who wants to dance?" Ruby asked as she stepped down from her bar stool.

"Ooh, I do," Emma slurred out, Killian helping her step down from the stool. Ruby took her hand and dragged Emma over to the dance floor, squeezing through bodies to find a spot.

Once they found a spot, near the edge of the dance floor and about ten feet from their table, Ruby wrapped her arms around Emma's waist and began swaying to the music. It wasn't weird for Emma, as this was basically what Ruby and she had done every weekend since they met freshman year of college. They swayed with their hands on each other's hips, constantly being bumped into by drunk couples who were obviously just trying to have sex in the middle of the dance floor.

"Is Mulan coming?" Emma asked loudly into Ruby's ear, trying to speak over the loud music.

"Yeah. She's coming after she gets off her shift," Ruby explained back just as loudly. "She should be here soon, I think."

Ruby and Emma continued to dance together, swaying to the rhythm of the music as it blared through the speakers. The bass shook the floor and settled in Emma's bones, the music worming its way into her veins and taking over her limbs. She lost herself to the music, her hands up in the air and her hips moving to the beat. At some point, her eyes slid shut, allowing the music to take over her entire body and allowing her to forget her pain-in-the-ass life for just a moment. Her eyes only reopened when she felt hands returned to her hips, but from behind.

Before she could panic, a voice ducked down to her ear and said, "I thought I'd join you."

Emma relaxed into Killian's arms, her hips continuing to move in a steady rhythm as her back pressed against Killian's front. "Where did Ruby go?"

"Mulan showed up," Killian replied, nodding forward and Emma looked through the crowd, spotting Ruby and Mulan making out in the middle of the dance floor.

"Who would've thought about my roommate and Ruby getting together?"

"Stranger things have happened," Killian spoke in a teasing lilt and Emma's heart lightened. _They_ had happened.

(But it was all a lie and Emma couldn't forget that.)

Emma turned around in Killian's arms and wrapped her arms around his neck, her front pressed against his as she began to move to the music again. Her lips were just so close to his and she wanted to reach up, to press her lips against his and just finally know how he tasted. So Emma turned her mind off and ran her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck, allowing him to sway with her.

The lights pulsed as a bead of sweat moved down Emma's chest, sliding between the valley between her breasts. She could see the sweat rolling down the hollow of Killian's neck and she itched to reach forward and lick that very spot and to hear him moan. They were both drunk and sweaty and the lights continuously flashed and the music grew louder and faster with every passing song and all Emma wanted to do was to learn how Killian sounded in the throes of passion. Emma looked up into his gaze, which was placed firmly on her, and she fucking _wanted to kiss him_.

"Killian," Emma said softly, barely heard over the music.

She noticed how his Adam's Apple bobbed with a gulp and desire ran through her veins. "Yes?"

Her eyes darted over his shoulder, noticing Neal slouched in his bar stool and staring at the two of them. And she finally found her chance.

"Neal's staring at us," Emma stated and his hands tightened on her hips.

"He's been staring at us all night, love. I think we're getting to him," Killian replied.

"How about we put on a show for him?" Emma asked, a smile playing at her lips, and Killian's eyebrows raised.

"Are you sure?" Killian asked as his hands moved up from their place at her hips, moving to cup her face in his hands as their hips continued to sway slowly.

Emma barely nodded and his lips were suddenly on hers, fire igniting wherever he touched her. Her hands moved down and tightened around his back as Killian tilted her head to kiss her deeper, sweeping his tongue into the cavern of her mouth and gently sucking on her bottom lip. Emma couldn't retain the moan that burst from her throat, her fingers digging into his back as she urged him closer. His hand cupped the back of her head as his other hand moved down to wrap around her back. They were entangled tightly, their tongues weaving around the others and Emma felt as though she would burst from the lust coursing through her veins.

She wanted him. Oh _fuck_ , did she want him.

Killian gasped as Emma bit down on his bottom lip and he tugged her even closer, not even caring about bumping into any of the surrounding couples who continued to dance. She felt the desire pool low in her belly and she knew that she would never be able to look at him the same way ever again because this kiss ignited everything in her body and her stomach was flipping and she had never felt so much desire and lust and _love_ in a kiss.

But it was all fake and it wasn't real and he was _pretending_ -

Killian's lips slowly pulled away from Emma's, but she did not want to let him go. She wanted to keep this moment forever, to remain here in his arms with his lips against hers as if this was where she truly belonged. But she knew that she never belonged with anyone or that nobody wanted her to be theirs and that this would end with a broken heart.

"Emma?" Killian murmured under his breath, his thumb placed just under her jaw to angle her head up toward his. "Emma, what's wrong?"

Emma subtly shook her head and spread a smile over her face. "Nothing. Let's just go back to my place."

"Emma-"

"Please, Killian," Emma pleaded and cleared her throat quietly, then adding, "It'll look good for the group."

Killian nodded slowly and weaved his hand in hers, taking her from the dance floor and back to the table, where they gathered their things and left.

And if Emma insisted Killian sharing her bed, just so she could feel his warmth around her, it was entirely her own business.

* * *

Emma woke up to banging on her front door. Her eyes shot open, staring at the nightstand beside her bed, and waited to see if it was just her imagination. But then, the banging returned and Emma groaned as she slowly sat up in her bed, not wanting to move too suddenly because of the pounding in her head. She quickly tossed two migraine pills down her throat and drank from the glass of water on her nightstand. As she stood up, she heard a grumble. Emma turned around and saw Killian sleeping on his stomach, with his arms underneath the pillow.

Her heart ached at the sight because everything was ruined because she couldn't keep her feelings bottled up and now she's ruined her friendship because of some stupid idea-

The banging on her door returned and Emma sighed, padding out of her bedroom and into the hallway, which led to the living room. She could see the door shaking with force as someone banged again and began jiggling the handle. She furrowed her eyebrows because she knew Mulan had a key and that she had been over at Ruby's for the night, so Emma had no idea who to expect when she opened the door.

And well, she shouldn't have been surprised, given her display of affection with Killian the night before.

Neal stood awkwardly in the hallway of the apartment building, his hands in his pockets. "Hi."

Emma crossed her arms over her chest. "Hi."

"Could I come in?"

Emma slightly narrowed her eyes, curious as to what he could possibly want. "Sure."

Emma stepped to the side to allow Neal to enter her apartment. His boots clacked against the hardwood flooring as he stepped inside, walking over toward the couch Emma typically sat on, the one closest to the hallway that led to the bedrooms. Emma walked over toward him, her arms still crossed over her chest, and she was sure she was quite the sight this early in the morning with day-old make up on her face.

"What is it?" Emma asked, tapping her fingers along her forearm. "It's clearly important since you're here it's first thing in the morning."

"Emma, it's noon."

Emma sighed. "You get the point. What do you want?"

Neal sighed and scratched the back of his neck, returning his hand back into his coat pocket. "There isn't an easy way to say this, Ems."

"Just fucking say it, Neal-"

"I don't like you and Killian being together."

Emma's stomach dropped. "Excuse me?"

Neal sighed again and stepped forward, pulling his hands out from his pockets. "I don't like you being with Killian."

Emma scoffed. "Well that's not fucking news, Neal, and you don't have a right to say anything on the matter honestly."

"Come on, Ems," Neal spoke as he ran a hand over his beard. "He's a total womanizer. He's slept with half of the female population at school."

"Why does that even matter? I _trust_ him," Emma replied back, her voice beginning to raise.

"I just worry about you, Emma, and I don't want to see you get hurt because he can't keep his dick in his pants," Neal stated, shrugging as if it was the simple truth.

"What is up your fucking _ass_ , Neal?" Emma asked, not able to hold back the anger in his voice.

"What do you mean-"

"I mean that you are passive-aggressive as shit when I'm dating anybody and you get all moody and broody and rude and then when I end things, you go back to your normal self. What do you fucking want with me, Neal? Because I am done with you fucking toying with me."

"I don't get moody-"

"That is horse shit, Neal, because Mary Margaret and Ruby both told me this-"

Neal scoffed. "Please, they've both been out to get me for the past three years-"

" _Because I had a crush on you_!" Emma shouted, her hands balled up in fists as they hand by her sides. And Neal's face went ashen, as if he had utterly no idea. "Ever since I met you, I had a crush on you and I am _sick_ of following you like a goddamn puppy. Every time I dated someone, you apparently got jealous and when I broke up with them, you just didn't _care_. I am tired of it and so, I moved on!"

"Emma, I've changed," Neal spoke softly, touching his chest as if he actually had a heart under there. "Emma, we can be together now."

"No. I don't want to. I've found a man who is _so much better_ than you because he never ignored me. He has been there, by my side, every day since we met," Emma replied back angrily. "I'm not giving up the greatest thing that's ever happened to me just because you suddenly had a change of heart and decided that I was finally good enough to be with. No. I'm not doing that. I love him too much to do that."

"But Emma-"

"Fuck off, Neal, and goodbye."

Neal's jaw clenched and he stomped past Emma, his shoulder bumping into hers. He stopped beside the front door and placed his hand on the door knob, turning back to face Emma.

"When he cheats on you and breaks your heart, don't come crying to me," Neal spat and he was gone.

Emma's hands shook as she returned to her bedroom, her chin quivering because _how could she have been so dumb_. She wanted to be with him for the past three years and she had no idea that he was this much of a _monster_. She was glad to be rid of him, but when Killian wanted to be with Milah, Emma would be heart broken and alone and she didn't know what to do.

Emma opened her door, furiously wiping away a tear that escaped her eye, and saw Killian sitting up in her bed, with his legs crossed at the ankles and his hands clasped on his lap.

" _Fuck_ , please don't tell me you heard all of that," Emma whined as she shut the door behind her.

"I'm afraid I did," Killian spoke, looking over at Emma with worried eyes.

Emma groaned and wiped away the tears that continued to fall, sniffling loudly. "Well any questions then?"

"Only two," Killian murmured, his eyes unwavering from Emma. "Why didn't you leave with him? He was who you had wanted all this time. Why didn't you go to him?"

Emma's jaw clenched and her eyes dropped to the hardwood floor of her bedroom because _shit_ this was going to be hard to get out. "Because he isn't who I want anymore."

Emma's eyes remained on the floor as she heard the creaking of the bed and the sound of Killian's socked feet walking over to her, where she stood by the door. She made to move away from the door, to allow Killian to leave and to never come back because she fucked up-

"Who is it that you want now?" Killian asked, his voice soft and quiet as he crowded Emma against the wall.

A knot was stuck in Emma's throat because she couldn't say it. She couldn't speak the words because it would make it all too real and it would give him power to destroy her.

"Emma, _please_."

Emma squeezed her eyes shut and she might as well-"You. It's you who I want now."

And Emma was surprised to feel hands on her face, angling her head up to look at Killian, instead of the slamming of the door as he walked out of her life. She looked at his eyes, which were filled with vulnerability and _hope_.

"Emma, are you telling me the truth?" Killian asked, his voice hesitant and anxious.

Emma immediately nodded. "Yes. Everything I said to Neal was the truth. I just want you-"

And Killian kissed her, love and devotion and admiration pressed against her lips with every sweep of his tongue against hers. Her nails scratched down his still-clothed back as she pressed herself against him completely, reveling in the way he felt against her and how he tasted and sounded and he was _hers_.

( _Mine. Mine. Mine_.)

But one last question was floating in her mind, and so Emma pulled her lips away from his reluctantly. "What about Milah?"

"Milah hasn't been a factor in this for the past two months."

Emma looked into his eyes and saw that he was telling her the truth. Killian continued, saying, "A month into us being together, she came to me and asked me to leave you and I just-I couldn't do it."

"Why?"

"Because she wasn't who I wanted anymore," Killian whispered against Emma's lips. "I had changed and I wanted only you, but I didn't want you to be pressured into it. So I remained with you to help you with Neal, even if it meant I was heartbroken in the end."

He had the same plan that Emma did, even if it meant that everything ended in pain and heartache. He didn't want to force her into it, just as much as Emma didn't want to force Killian into remaining with her. He cared for her just as much as she cared for him and it still surprised Emma that after all of these years, Killian _cared_.

"So, Emma Swan, will you do me the honor of becoming my official girlfriend?" Killian asked, his thumbs rubbing against the apples of Emma's cheeks.

And all Emma could do was smile and say, "Yes."


End file.
